thoughtnot

I always get a kick out of reading the local crime reports. I wouldn’t say they make me feel superior, but there is something about them that just makes me feel as if my place on the food chain isn’t the bottom. I suppose it does lend to some cynicism on my part with regard to the overall human condition, but hey… this is funny stuff! Seriously! We watch t.v. and say “that would never happen”, but amazingly it does. For example, the following events took place in Southern Indiana over the past few months.

See if you can get through without a chuckle:

• 1300 block of Chartres Street. A man said a woman he was talking with outside his residence drew a kitchen knife and cut his index finger, then left about 1:30 a.m. Saturday. She just suddenly drew a knife in mid-conversation and stabbed him in the finger? There’s more here… I want details!
• 100 block of Sloemer Avenue. Day planner. Saturday. All they could find worth stealing was a day planner? “Look — it has one of those to-do list pages! These are worth money!”
• 2500 block of Fairmont Avenue. Aluminum cans. Thursday. Who calls the cops and reports stolen aluminum cans?! “Well, officer, there was a bud can, and a coke can, and 3 miller lite cans…”
• Summitt Trucking, 500 block of North Clark Boulevard. $85,000 worth of cigarettes. April 8. Wow! $85,000 of stolen smokes? The thief will surely die from lung cancer before he gets through that!
• 1500 block of East 10th Street. A woman said her boyfriend grabbed her by the arm and shoved her against a dresser, then threw a can of ravioli at her face, cutting her eye, about 2 p.m. Saturday. The boyfriend was arrested. Ravioli?! HAHAHA! Guess you could say he got “canned”… =)
• Shumate Carpet, 1400 block of Woerner Avenue. A man said he and his boss argued and his boss grabbed his throat and shoved him to the ground, injuring his back and causing him breathing difficulty about 7:30 a.m. Monday. Well, he’s sure to get Employee of the Month!
• 900 block of Colonial Park Drive. A woman said her boyfriend argued with her, grabbed her by the arm and threw her to the ground outside their residence. Later, she said her boyfriend stabbed himself in the side with a kitchen knife in order to falsely accuse her. The man was transported to the hospital after the incident about 10:30 a.m. Sunday. Remember when you were a kid and you would accidentally do something and then try to cover it up so you wouldn’t get in trouble? This guy didn’t learn that it never really worked…  
• Louisville Peterbilt, 4400 block of Hamburg Pike. Sixteen truck tires and rims. Sunday. This thief fell just two wheels short of scoring himself an 18-wheeler! 
• 100 block of Cardinal Drive. A woman said her boyfriend kicked her in her lower back, knocking her out of bed and causing a large bruise about noon Friday. He kicked her out of… nevermind…
• Circle K, 400 block of Eastern Blvd. Drive-off. $3 in gas. March 22. Who drives off with only $3 in gas?! Geez… most folks can find that between the seats!
• 900 block of West Main Street. A woman said her adult son became angry when she would not let him use her cell phone about 10:30p.m. Wednesday and pushed her onto a bed, and later tripped her with a kitchen chair and threw a kitchen chair at her face, cutting her nose. Coming up next on the “Jerry Springer Mother’s Day Show”…
• Thorntons, 200 block of East 10th Street. Drive-off. $8 in gas. Sunday. I’m thinking this was the guy from a few rows down just topping off his tank…
• Thorntons, 3900 block of East Lewis and Clark Parkway. Drive-off. $8 in gas. Wednesday. At least he went for more than $3 worth this time! Hey Thorntons, see a pattern?
• 1500 block of Byron Drive. Coffee table, bowls, vase, candle set, $15. Tuesday. Thief to wife: “Hey honey, I just got home from stealing you a new living room suit!”
• 800 block of Springdale Drive. A woman said her mentally ill daughter struck her with her fist twice in the face Saturday about 9 p.m. The daughter was arrested. They actually arrest mentally ill people like that? Why not arrest the mom for not getting the right help for her daughter instead of calling the cops on her!
   

There you have it! Keep in mind, those are just the highlights from a few short months! I’ll try to post a few more of these randomly from time to time, just to keep you feeling safe. =)